ic inbox

[rathercommon]

crystal | letter | cease and desist notices slipped under her door | action

Comments

[elegiaque]

( even gwenaëlle knows 'yes, and?' is not the right response here. even if it's the first thing to cross her mind. )

I don't know why we're dissecting this in such detail when I've already said I intend to be involved in making that harder.

( why does it have to matter what her motives for that are? the end result is still the same, isn't it? )

The practical considerations seem a bit more pressing.

[rathercommon]

It's just -

[ She hesitates a long moment. Why does it matter? Kitty does believe that outcomes matter more than intentions - you can want to save the world, but if you do it by crushing everyone under your feet, then it's pretty well worthless. So the opposite is true, too - it doesn't matter why someone helps, as long as they help. So why should it matter?

Finally, she offers: ]

I don't want to see you...being used.

[elegiaque]

( what's this feeling. it's kind of nice. do not closely examine. )

I'm not—useful. Well, ( quickly, because she is extremely useful, and before kitty can assure her of as much, ) not in a way where I think being used is...

Actually, I accused Thranduil of that, once. Well, several times. Loudly.

[rathercommon]

[ Oh. There's just a tiny edge in Kitty's voice, the smallest hint of do-I-need-to-"talk"-with-him. Kitty really likes Thranduil, but there's no question whose team she's on. ]

Over what?

[elegiaque]

I accused him of cultivating my friendship to abuse the privileges of my status. That he was making a mockery of me. There were rumours that we were lovers, which wasn't true at the time, and I was very—sensitive about it. I'd got into a fistfight with a former maid of mine—Sabine, you won't have met her but she's the only woman Alistair's got eyes for—and he split us up and there were rumours at the time that it was over him.

Which is stupid, because it wasn't. And if we were going to talk about romantic entanglements with elves, Sabine and I probably wouldn't have been trying to claw each other's eyes out if it hadn't ended so poorly. She cut my hair. In my sleep.

( still a little mad! it's been years, gwenaëlle, let it go. )

And anyway, I rescued her, she's so unreasonable.

( she's getting sidetracked. what was the point? oh, right. )

I blamed him for the rumours, I thought he was taking advantage. My mother thought so, too, she disapproved of him. It was important to her that I be a lady. She lost a lot, for me to be a lady. ( but let's not get into that mess of guilt— )

Anyway, the point is, it's hardly...I like very much that I know his life would be easier without me. The things he wants to do. The people he wants to trust him. I'm hardly going to charm the Dalish and my entire upbringing was at the expense of elves, I'm hardly the ideal revolutionary wife. I'm not very diplomatic. And I'm much less wealthy than I used to be. In purely practical terms, he's better off without me.

( she sounds so cheerful about it. because he chooses not to be without her. )

[rathercommon]

[ ha ha what a story mark

Kitty's voice has lost that edge - and picked up a little bit of puzzlement, because Gwen is a bit of a puzzle, but - she's reassured, at least. ]

Well - good. As long as it wasn't true. [ A hesitation - ] What if he had been? Taking advantage? What would you have done?

[elegiaque]

( anyway, how's YOUR sex life. )

Stopped speaking to him. Which I did, for a few months after my mother died. I thought that was going to be forever.

( it's a strangely lacking response from someone so notably volatile, and yet. it doesn't sound false. )

[rathercommon]

Well - [ A long breath. ] Good. Just as long as you don't ever think that you owe anything to anyone who'd mistreat you.

i / ii

[elegiaque]

( there's a longer silence. )

ii.

[elegiaque]

I know the difference. Let's leave it at that.

[rathercommon]

[ Girl. ]

What's that supposed to mean?

[elegiaque]

Nothing. It just—nothing. He isn't like that.

[rathercommon]

[ Uh huh. ]

Then who is?

[elegiaque]

Most of Orlais.

( it's glib, but it's probably not untrue. )

[rathercommon]

Sure. Who else?

[elegiaque]

No one I care to remember.

[rathercommon]

[ An uncertain noise, but - ]

All right. I won't make you talk about it.

[elegiaque]

It's important to me that it isn't important any more.

[rathercommon]

[ A little puzzled - ]

That it's not important? What do you mean - you don't care about it?

[elegiaque]

Yes.

( whether that's true is debatable, it is nevertheless the goal— )

Why should I have to carry it forever? They won't.

[rathercommon]

[ Oh. That gets a little noise - something like a scoff, but more sympathetic. ]

Doesn't really work like that, though. Not in my experience.

[elegiaque]

Difficult isn't the same as impossible.

( it isn't as if she's never heard 'saying something enough times won't make it true', it's just that she refuses to absorb the lesson. )

[rathercommon]

Maybe not. Still, probably best not to pin your hopes on a near-impossible thing.

[ says the girl who lives her life hoping for a near-impossible thing. ]

[elegiaque]

It only ever has to be true enough.

[rathercommon]

What does that even mean?