Someone told you that you're stupid and you let them convince you that it's true. You're free to believe that, if you insist, but as long as you continue not actually being an idiot, I'm personally going to have to decline to participate.
Yeah, except that I didn't get what you were saying, and apparently I ought to have done so much that you thought I was completely disinterested. Sounds like stupidity to me.
[ She clenches her jaw, aware that all that might have come across - probably did come across - as manipulative. So she feels ashamed. But, even so - ]
No one wakes up in the morning and thinks to themselves, today I'm going to act against my own best interests in a way that will potentially lead to my death and the deaths of many other people.
( a beat. )
Maybe the second part, some people are cunts. But people don't—they aren't just stupid, they have reasons. Everyone has a reason for what they do, even if it's wrong, or it doesn't seem to make any sense. The important part is understanding. What people care about. What drives them. Yes, telling a story is useful, but knowing stories is better. It's more important. It's necessary to anything on a larger scale, because no one has the fucking right to just walk in and not even examine who people are and decide that they know best for them and that they're just stupid if they don't understand it. We owe understanding to anyone we want to help, or it's not different.
That doesn't mean trying to understand isn't important or worthwhile. It's more important to do when you can, for the times you haven't time to spare. No one should be getting too comfortable with the idea they're too good to need to worry about the impact they have.
And, Maker knows, understanding won't always mean you can do anything differently. Sometimes it'll only mean you know how something is going to go badly, and can plan for the mess after.
Most of the time. ( like a verbal shrug. ) That's why it's hard. Understanding people is a lot more complex than just asking them questions. All you learn is how they answer questions; what they want you to think about them.
This is why I thought it'd be worth discussing with you.
( not arguing. discussing. she's just—
she's really bad at not arguing. )
But the thing about the stories people construct, on purpose or just...naturally...what you get from those is how people think. You can learn the shape of them from the shape of the things they build. I mean, it isn't fool-proof. And it isn't the only thing, it's just one thing.
( that she's good at it, that she understands, that she can contextualize in a way that makes sense to her and knows how to practically apply when she has the patience and the resources. it's why she writes everything down—
to step back, and look what the shape of it makes. she is, in her peculiar ways, unexpectedly methodical. )
[ A little shrug. It does make sense. It's just...not something she's ever been especially good at. She thinks. Honestly, everyone around her, all her life, has been really just like her - for the most part - some of them Czechs, some of them Irish, some of them English, some of them from central London instead of out in Balham, some of them older and some of them younger and some of them political like her and some of them indifferent - but everyone's story was the same. Or at least one of two variants. The magicians are rotten and we'll put up with it or the magicians are rotten and we won't put up with it. Sometimes, other sorts would come through, tourists and country folk, but she'd filch their things - she wouldn't sit down and learn their stories.
Honestly, the first one who was different, really different, was Bartimaeus. And she'd come away from her conversation with him with her head spinning. So, thinking of him - ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 10:56 am (UTC)[ Her face is not. She blinks back tears of humiliation. A little of it comes through in her voice, choked and miserable. ]
All right? So give it a sweet little name, make excuses, but at the end of the day I just can't get it.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 10:57 am (UTC)I'm never going to have any time for the idea of your imaginary stupidity.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 11:02 am (UTC)[ Her voice is bitter. It'd be mocking if it were less unhappy. ]
no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 11:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 11:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 11:08 am (UTC)I could have been clearer and more focused on my point. Do you still want to hear it.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 11:12 am (UTC)[ She clenches her jaw, aware that all that might have come across - probably did come across - as manipulative. So she feels ashamed. But, even so - ]
Yes. Please.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 11:16 am (UTC)( a beat. )
Maybe the second part, some people are cunts. But people don't—they aren't just stupid, they have reasons. Everyone has a reason for what they do, even if it's wrong, or it doesn't seem to make any sense. The important part is understanding. What people care about. What drives them. Yes, telling a story is useful, but knowing stories is better. It's more important. It's necessary to anything on a larger scale, because no one has the fucking right to just walk in and not even examine who people are and decide that they know best for them and that they're just stupid if they don't understand it. We owe understanding to anyone we want to help, or it's not different.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 05:59 pm (UTC)You can't know everyone's story, though. Sometimes you've got to just act.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 08:13 pm (UTC)And, Maker knows, understanding won't always mean you can do anything differently. Sometimes it'll only mean you know how something is going to go badly, and can plan for the mess after.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 10:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-11-23 10:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-11-24 12:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-11-24 09:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-11-24 09:25 am (UTC)( not arguing. discussing. she's just—
she's really bad at not arguing. )
But the thing about the stories people construct, on purpose or just...naturally...what you get from those is how people think. You can learn the shape of them from the shape of the things they build. I mean, it isn't fool-proof. And it isn't the only thing, it's just one thing.
( that she's good at it, that she understands, that she can contextualize in a way that makes sense to her and knows how to practically apply when she has the patience and the resources. it's why she writes everything down—
to step back, and look what the shape of it makes. she is, in her peculiar ways, unexpectedly methodical. )
no subject
Date: 2018-11-24 12:59 pm (UTC)Honestly, the first one who was different, really different, was Bartimaeus. And she'd come away from her conversation with him with her head spinning. So, thinking of him - ]
Guess it helps you change, too.