If you truly had bothered to fight, you might damn well know that there never was a difference. [ And it's boomed out in a rage, vicious twisting in her gut. Rightly or wrongly, she is well and truly furious now, even if the question is in earnest. ]
What happens, what happens when you assassinate someone? Do you know? Have you snuck into a Lord's house and poisoned his supper? I do, he goes down to Whitechapel, he gathers up his staff, everyone they know, they torture them for days on end, and then they execute whoever seems guilty. The blood is still on your hands. The blood will always be on your hands. Or worse, perhaps, like when I helped take down that Tevinter prat, perhaps you kill a man, and a day later, the enemy takes over the city anyway and means exactly nothing. I was stupid enough to think I could kill one English Politician and that would stop the trade laws that starved thousands of people in my home land. The law was passed anyway. Nothing changes, not if you're not willing to fight for it. Not unless you're prepared to give it all to your struggle.
[ Means, how many people Kitty, do you think I've killed? ]
My people were. The Whitechapel rebels were. They were prepared to die for their freedom. So far Kitty, all you do, is preach and give nothing of yourself. Silly girls with pretty faces belong on shelves, not lecturing about morals when they cannot even be ready to give their own life for the things they believe in.
[ And that - her throat tightens. Her jaw clenches. And she bites out, unwary - ]
I have, actually. [ She realizes what she said - looks down and away, cursing her temper. But - But - she can't stand - ] Not by poison. But I have. And I've been the one on the block to be tortured. Got handed over for it by my own mum and dad. Watched all my comrades die. Watched it. So don't talk to me about being a silly girl unwilling to die. Or to kill.
[ That's not what she'd expected. She'd expected a...a litany of ways in which that didn't count. Or at best, a gruff acknowledgment that very well, Kitty might have some experience. Not this. Not this offer that makes her feel simultaneously horrified and somehow lighter. Not those words that make her feel dizzy and shake her head - ]
No. I mean - I - They're...They're not wicked people. They were just...afraid.
[ She shakes her head - she could argue it. She has argued it deeply more than once with more than one person. Because it all came down to one simple point.
Those who could not stand by those that loved them did not deserve their protection. ]
Your word, Kitty, that is all I need. [ And while she is here - in that same flat, even delivery that promises and never, never takes back. ] I will never see that happen to you, not ever. No matter what passes, I would cut my own hands off before I let another take you to such a fate.
[ She finds a flush creeping over her face, deep enough that she can feel it in her ears. It's not embarrassment, it's - it's something far more complicated than that. She doesn't know what to do with the feeling. ]
I just - I didn't mention it because I wanted you to...My point is that I've faced it before, and I'm willing to face it again. I don't dislike war 'cause I'm some coward.
Then don't make excuses that one is better than the other, or you betray your own naivety and they will take advantage of it. It would be one thing if you were scared to fight. It's another to think you will be somehow sparing the people you speak of.
[ She takes the steps back, firm, that roll of shoulders and the flat way she places her steps that land, shoulder width apart, ready for - something, anything. Always. ]
Because in the best case scenario, everything you do is pointless, nothing changes and you just wasted your time. In the worst, when you finally manage to execute someone who does matter, you bring down war but to people that never even had a chance to defend themselves because you thought you would be enough to protect them, you thought it would be better this way. It isn't, it never was, and you can't spare them and you never could. Then they will hate you all the more for thinking you were God to their prayers.
[ Right back into it, except now Kitty is having a harder time working up a head full of steam because she's still feeling fidgety and self-conscious over Lakshmi's prior comment. She runs a hand through her hair and tries to remember where she was - Right. ]
I'm not saying that assassination is perfect. I'm not saying it's even good. Again, I - my - I've seen what comes of it. [ Best not to dwell. If Lakshmi didn't take any great note of the confession of Kitty-the-teenage-assassin, then - best not to remind her of it. ] It's another bad option, but it's better than war. But neither of them is the right way to go.
[ And like everything she does, she won't say something that isn't her concern until it becomes important.
So get ready in two weeks for her to bring up that murder. ]
No, it isn't. It's just a precursor to war, except now you've been a fool and not given anyone an ability to defend themselves. Violence begets violence, and if you begin in it you will end in more of it.
[ The last, she grits out, hard in her mouth as a horse would go against a bit. Hurt, so painfully cut to the quick. ] I listened to you - when you said that the common man were treated worse than animals in your homeland. Even when it offended my faith to see you treat an animal so. I have stood beside Englishmen in their own lands to help fight their government on their own soil. I listened, to their pain and suffering, like it was my own. Perhaps you could do me the favour of listening in return instead of judging those who were pushed too far. The heroes of my land who gave their lives to free their home.
[ And Kitty shoots Lakshmi a look. This isn't the main point here, but she can't not call this out. ]
I'm pretty sure what you did was insist that I apologize to the animal and then stormed home and stopped talking to me for weeks when I wouldn't. That's quite a liberal definition of 'listened to me.'
I asked you to do something that mattered to me, but you insisted you did not have to care about other than that which has grieved you. Yes, I grew angry with you. Yes I took my time to my peace with it and understand where you came from. But I did, and I did not belittle you for feeling as you did once I understood it, I was wrong.
And again, let's remember that I didn't mistreat the horse. I said a single mean word about it, and it doesn't speak English anyway, so its feelings weren't even hurt.
[ Anyway. ]
And I'm not judging your heroes. I don't know anything about your heroes. I'm saying that war is the wrong choice. Always. Because it's a hundred times more people who suffer, and they suffer for years, and it drags on and on and on with more and more deaths while the leaders get fat off the profits. At least if there's an assassination, they've got to suffer themselves, rather than sitting around chuckling about how much they made selling guns.
[ her head rolls back, save her, save her from the arrogance of youth. Save her more exactly in this moment, from herself. ]
Kitty! I don't expect you to understand but if I must spell out to you - I will.
[ slow breath, slow breath. ]
Stop thinking so small or you will never change anything. I killed a damn man in tevinter, did it stop Corypheus the next week from taking the city? No? Funny that.
So you've accomplished all your goals, have you? The British government's been brought low, there are no more werewolves or vampires, and your homeland's free?
[ Kitty doesn't know who the Haitians are, but - the other two are familiar to her - territories of England. She shakes her head - ]
Maybe they've achieved independence in your world, sure. But that only answers one of my questions. Is the British government brought low, and are the abuses of people that force them to become werewolves ended.
They've lessened, now that I've taken to blowing up the UIC ships and actively and consistently engage the company guards and their pets at every opportunity to disrupt all outgoing trade on every level.
[ she won't pretend she hasn't turned England's streets to battlefields, because there are things she has sorrow for, it isn't helping people who had no one else to stand for them. ]
You don't know anything other than that? [ Well - ] Why do vampires make more vampires? And how many of the werewolves are voluntarily so? D'you have any allies who are vampires or werewolves?
[ the look on her face says it all really. Them. ]
The Order of Her Majesty's Knights. Blackcoats is what everyone else calls them. Eternally sworn to protect England's shores against the Half-breed scourge. Or something like that. These days they mostly butcher the poor on United India's orders.
[ She huffs - look for that guilt all you want Kitty. ]
They didn't matter until I came to England. Technically our goals were aligned, regardless of the fact they had been twisted and corrupted like the rest of their land to ever see it that way.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-02-01 02:02 pm (UTC)What happens, what happens when you assassinate someone? Do you know? Have you snuck into a Lord's house and poisoned his supper? I do, he goes down to Whitechapel, he gathers up his staff, everyone they know, they torture them for days on end, and then they execute whoever seems guilty. The blood is still on your hands. The blood will always be on your hands. Or worse, perhaps, like when I helped take down that Tevinter prat, perhaps you kill a man, and a day later, the enemy takes over the city anyway and means exactly nothing. I was stupid enough to think I could kill one English Politician and that would stop the trade laws that starved thousands of people in my home land. The law was passed anyway. Nothing changes, not if you're not willing to fight for it. Not unless you're prepared to give it all to your struggle.
[ Means, how many people Kitty, do you think I've killed? ]
My people were. The Whitechapel rebels were. They were prepared to die for their freedom. So far Kitty, all you do, is preach and give nothing of yourself. Silly girls with pretty faces belong on shelves, not lecturing about morals when they cannot even be ready to give their own life for the things they believe in.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-01 02:11 pm (UTC)I have, actually. [ She realizes what she said - looks down and away, cursing her temper. But - But - she can't stand - ] Not by poison. But I have. And I've been the one on the block to be tortured. Got handed over for it by my own mum and dad. Watched all my comrades die. Watched it. So don't talk to me about being a silly girl unwilling to die. Or to kill.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-01 02:15 pm (UTC)If your parents arrive, I will kill them on your word.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-01 02:21 pm (UTC)[ That's not what she'd expected. She'd expected a...a litany of ways in which that didn't count. Or at best, a gruff acknowledgment that very well, Kitty might have some experience. Not this. Not this offer that makes her feel simultaneously horrified and somehow lighter. Not those words that make her feel dizzy and shake her head - ]
No. I mean - I - They're...They're not wicked people. They were just...afraid.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-01 02:27 pm (UTC)Those who could not stand by those that loved them did not deserve their protection. ]
Your word, Kitty, that is all I need. [ And while she is here - in that same flat, even delivery that promises and never, never takes back. ] I will never see that happen to you, not ever. No matter what passes, I would cut my own hands off before I let another take you to such a fate.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-02 03:11 am (UTC)[ She finds a flush creeping over her face, deep enough that she can feel it in her ears. It's not embarrassment, it's - it's something far more complicated than that. She doesn't know what to do with the feeling. ]
I just - I didn't mention it because I wanted you to...My point is that I've faced it before, and I'm willing to face it again. I don't dislike war 'cause I'm some coward.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-03 05:33 am (UTC)[ She takes the steps back, firm, that roll of shoulders and the flat way she places her steps that land, shoulder width apart, ready for - something, anything. Always. ]
Because in the best case scenario, everything you do is pointless, nothing changes and you just wasted your time. In the worst, when you finally manage to execute someone who does matter, you bring down war but to people that never even had a chance to defend themselves because you thought you would be enough to protect them, you thought it would be better this way. It isn't, it never was, and you can't spare them and you never could. Then they will hate you all the more for thinking you were God to their prayers.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-03 01:35 pm (UTC)I'm not saying that assassination is perfect. I'm not saying it's even good. Again, I - my - I've seen what comes of it. [ Best not to dwell. If Lakshmi didn't take any great note of the confession of Kitty-the-teenage-assassin, then - best not to remind her of it. ] It's another bad option, but it's better than war. But neither of them is the right way to go.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 08:27 am (UTC)So get ready in two weeks for her to bring up that murder. ]
No, it isn't. It's just a precursor to war, except now you've been a fool and not given anyone an ability to defend themselves. Violence begets violence, and if you begin in it you will end in more of it.
[ The last, she grits out, hard in her mouth as a horse would go against a bit. Hurt, so painfully cut to the quick. ] I listened to you - when you said that the common man were treated worse than animals in your homeland. Even when it offended my faith to see you treat an animal so. I have stood beside Englishmen in their own lands to help fight their government on their own soil. I listened, to their pain and suffering, like it was my own. Perhaps you could do me the favour of listening in return instead of judging those who were pushed too far. The heroes of my land who gave their lives to free their home.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 12:28 pm (UTC)I'm pretty sure what you did was insist that I apologize to the animal and then stormed home and stopped talking to me for weeks when I wouldn't. That's quite a liberal definition of 'listened to me.'
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 12:41 pm (UTC)I asked you to do something that mattered to me, but you insisted you did not have to care about other than that which has grieved you. Yes, I grew angry with you. Yes I took my time to my peace with it and understand where you came from. But I did, and I did not belittle you for feeling as you did once I understood it, I was wrong.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 12:49 pm (UTC)[ Anyway. ]
And I'm not judging your heroes. I don't know anything about your heroes. I'm saying that war is the wrong choice. Always. Because it's a hundred times more people who suffer, and they suffer for years, and it drags on and on and on with more and more deaths while the leaders get fat off the profits. At least if there's an assassination, they've got to suffer themselves, rather than sitting around chuckling about how much they made selling guns.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 01:05 pm (UTC)Kitty! I don't expect you to understand but if I must spell out to you - I will.
[ slow breath, slow breath. ]
Stop thinking so small or you will never change anything. I killed a damn man in tevinter, did it stop Corypheus the next week from taking the city? No? Funny that.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 01:08 pm (UTC)So you've accomplished all your goals, have you? The British government's been brought low, there are no more werewolves or vampires, and your homeland's free?
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 01:10 pm (UTC)I didn't. But America did. France did. The Haitians did.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 01:14 pm (UTC)Maybe they've achieved independence in your world, sure. But that only answers one of my questions. Is the British government brought low, and are the abuses of people that force them to become werewolves ended.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 01:19 pm (UTC)[ she won't pretend she hasn't turned England's streets to battlefields, because there are things she has sorrow for, it isn't helping people who had no one else to stand for them. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 01:22 pm (UTC)Where did vampirism come from? And - werewolf-ism? [ Whatever the word for it is. ] How did it get started?
Don't ask me things canon never tells me.
Date: 2019-02-05 01:28 pm (UTC)The time of King Arthur, I'm told.
look
Date: 2019-02-05 01:37 pm (UTC)You don't know anything other than that? [ Well - ] Why do vampires make more vampires? And how many of the werewolves are voluntarily so? D'you have any allies who are vampires or werewolves?
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 01:42 pm (UTC)[ You know, the second of oldest and only one likely to give her a straight answer because Lancelot is a jerk that she'd gotten killed.
Wait, shit - ]
I tend not befriend those would eat the flesh of children or gladly let others do so.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 01:45 pm (UTC)The Knights? Who are they?
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 01:52 pm (UTC)The Order of Her Majesty's Knights. Blackcoats is what everyone else calls them. Eternally sworn to protect England's shores against the Half-breed scourge. Or something like that. These days they mostly butcher the poor on United India's orders.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-06 02:09 am (UTC)Surprised you haven't mentioned them yet.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-06 06:26 am (UTC)They didn't matter until I came to England. Technically our goals were aligned, regardless of the fact they had been twisted and corrupted like the rest of their land to ever see it that way.
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