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[rathercommon]

crystal | letter | cease and desist notices slipped under her door | action

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[coquettish_trees]

A wish is passive. A plaintive request of the heavens. [ she gestures dismissively. ] So too is a desire, if it is not supplemented by the resolve to act.

[ here she moves to lean against the wall of the tub again, folding her arms over the side to regard Kitty with much the same look in bright blue. ]

So often, wishes and desires come first and then one musters, if one can, the resolve to accomplish them. The gulf between the desire and the resolve, if they do not match, is easily exploited. Much like a swordsman who overreaches and places himself off balance and exposed.

Abandoning the former means you are left only with the surety of what can be accomplished.

[rathercommon]

But abandoning the former also means you're left doing only what's been already proven possible. What's been done before.

[ She leans a bit further forward - ]

If you're only reaching as far as you already know you can, then you'll always be limiting yourself. Because people like you, people like me, we're told - you can't go so far. But more often than not, people underestimate us. We underestimate ourselves. Forcing ourselves forward, forcing ourselves to be courageous and to dare new things - if we do that, we can go beyond what others want for us.

[coquettish_trees]

[ Suddenly, she is sharp: ] I once thought to go too far beyond the place I was given, and was summarily provided with what comes of that in this world.

[ And then, just as suddenly, conversational again: ] In any case, you are wrong. It is perfectly possible to expand ones courage, daring, and capability without aiming for some far away star. It is the difference between increasing your skill with surety from pebble to stone to boulder and deciding that you shall go outside and lift a rock the size of your own body because your desire to do so shall be enough. You shall injure yourself.

[rathercommon]

[ Kitty presses her lips together, expression - not pitying, but sympathetic. She can guess exactly what incident Alexandrie is talking about. That discussion of the portrait had had...too much weight, too much significance, to be anything less than a painfully formative event in the woman's life.

She's not sure if this'll help. Maybe it won't. Probably it won't. But - Of the two of them, Alexandrie has told of this painful thing in her life, while Kitty had dodged the question of her misery. So. She offers this out. ]

I'm...from a world that's a lot like Tevinter. Mages in charge. The rest of us smashed down. When I was a girl, a friend and I were playing in a park, and we got caught by a magician who - attacked us. I got away all right, but my friend, he's - He never looked the same again. And so I did what I was supposed to, I played by the rules - I sued him for what he did. And he won the case, and won it so ferociously that I got saddled with more debts than I could possibly pay off, and I'd have gone to debtor's prison if I hadn't gotten help.

Safety's an illusion. [ She shakes her head. ] It feels like things ought to work like they do in the natural world, building up your strength, daring little things and never getting hurt for it, but that isn't how it works. Everything is dangerous, always. So why not be brave?

[coquettish_trees]

[ Like Tevinter. So that is why Kitty has been so easily aggravated by the Inquisition's small sprinkling of Tevenes.

(irritation briefly flickers across her face at the way her heart responds to the bare thought of him before she gathers it all and shoves it into a box.)

The rest of the story is a sad one, and unfair, as life so often is. It was strange, how differently the two of them had responded to such things, one in each direction: Alexandrie risking less, Kitty somehow risking more. Everything is dangerous, always. So why not be brave? It's a simple enough idea, but to Alexandrie, accepting it feels the same as wishing. ]

If everything will hurt always, no matter what is done, why hurt yourself even further still in reaching for any true desire?

[rathercommon]

[ Kitty hesitates, nibbling on her lip as she thinks. It's funny, how invigorating this conversation is. Even in the Resistance, they never talked about their reasons for doing things beyond simply the magicians are unjust, they must be brought down. This sort of conversation - Well. She's only really had it twice. Once with the demon Bartimaeus, and now with this woman Alexandrie. If she's learned anything from the past few months, she's learned this: always, always, always strike up conversations with people you assume you're going to hate. ]

Well - maybe because that's the way you'll help the world. Or maybe because that's the way you'll help yourself. Maybe if you're brave, and try to make change, you'll change your circumstances, too, and break free. And find joy.

[coquettish_trees]

And have you?

[ Finding herself unable to do more than simply deny the idea without any true reasoning to support it, the question is both deflection and honest curiosity on Alexandrie's part. ]

Broken free? Found joy?

[rathercommon]

[ Kitty looks away, now, her eyes turning down towards the water. Her answer is honest. ]

No.

For a while, I thought I had. But in my own way, I was also just doing what was expected of me. Working within prescribed boundaries. Doing what others wanted of me. And all I did was accomplish more of the same - perpetuating suffering.

[coquettish_trees]

[ Here, the return of the small sad smile. ]

Nor have I, if it is any small consolation, save perhaps in the breeze and the hollyhocks. [ then wryly: ] I wonder sometimes if people who seem to be truly happy are simply idiots.

[rathercommon]

[ Sighing and sitting back in her bath - ]

Truthfully, I don't think I've ever met anyone who's actually happy.

[coquettish_trees]

[ a pause, and then Alexandrie settles back into place as well. Amusedly: ] What a good and relaxing afternoon we are having.

[rathercommon]

[ That startles a laugh out of Kitty - a rather rare sound. And, looking over with a smile, an expression that's only a little bit more common than the laugh - ]

I don't know. I'm enjoying myself.

[coquettish_trees]

Then perhaps we have both been faithful to our bargain, and the trip has been a success.

[ Alexandrie's mouth curves in an impish smile in return. ]

May I suggest that we have done quite enough thinking for the time being, and really ought to briefly enjoy being very clean and very nice smelling and soon having very lovely hands with which to eat some small pastries and lie upon couches and not worry at all about whether or not we are happy?

[ The corners of her smile curve up even farther, her eyes sparkling in amusement. ]

Worry not, we may return to dreadful sighing again in a few hours. The heaviness of the world is a patient creature and shall wait faithfully for us.

[rathercommon]

[ Another noise - not a full laugh this time, but a huff of amusement. ]

I suppose so. Well, I do like sweets.

[coquettish_trees]

[ emphatically, and emphasized further by the quiet splash of her hands on the water's surface: ] Good.

[rathercommon]

So d'you have something good you want to talk about, then?

[coquettish_trees]

[ She considers this briefly. ]

Tell me the silliest thing you can think of to be concerned about, and we shall speak on it as if it had all the import in the world.

[rathercommon]

[ What. ]

The silliest thing?

[coquettish_trees]

[ You heard her. ]

Precisely.

[rathercommon]

[ Uhhhhh - ]

I don't know. Fashion?

[coquettish_trees]

[ Alexandrie opens one eye to look over at Kitty without raising her head from where it is now relaxing against the little pillow on the tub wall, looking amused ]

Well that is hardly fair. Fashion does have all the import in the world.

[ Has she started? ]

Have you seen the helmets the Venatori wear? One would think if one were attempting to villainously end the world, one would attempt to look more imposing than a cheese grater dreaming of becoming a unicorn.

[ She's started. ]

[rathercommon]

[ Yes, she's definitely started. ]

I haven't, actually. I haven't left Kirkwall since I got here. So I've never met a Venatori.

[coquettish_trees]

Oh, nor have I; there are several such helmets about to be seen that have been brought in as example. I cannot imagine they look any better upon the actual men and women.

Perhaps they wear such ridiculous things so that their leader shall feel better about the state of his face. I have heard he has quite the complexion.

I do believe if half of my head were jagged chunks of Red Lyrium I too would attempt to remake the world.

[ she makes a 'bleeeech' face. ]

Tell me, what is the most hideous thing you have ever seen someone wear with pride?

[rathercommon]

[ Oh, Kitty has a ready answer here. ]

Tight pants, this great flapping black coat with a great big red handkerchief sticking out of the pocket and frilly bell-sleeves. Shiny black shoes. And hair that was cut short but hung long around the face that he didn't even wash very often so it was all heavy and greasy. Oh, he thought he looked very fine.

[coquettish_trees]

[ Alexandrie draws in a horrified gasp that comes from the very depths of her soul, pressing her hand to her chest. ]

Non! I cannot say I am always displeased by tight pants, but beneath an overlarge bell-sleeved coat? Maker preserve us, what color were the frills?