Yeah. Against the Qunari. And it's a fucking mess. I don't know if any of it can be used for anything anymore. Everything's so burnt. The bombs are fucking constant. It smells like black powder. People died so quick we just didn't have time to give them proper rites. We lost people's souls so regular we stopped looking for them.
And I kept thinking, this is helping? This is what I trained for? Who the fuck was I helping?
I think so. But it was hard to tell. That's why we had special words and stuff. They torture people who step too far out of line, have thoughts that aren't allowed. They call it reeducation. My best friends, people I grew up with, they came back from it like...
I don't know the words in Trade. Everything sounds so light in this language.
I mean, I tried to work against it. Make it better from the inside. Help where I could. I stuck my neck out a few times. I couldn't think of anything more I could have done. I'd wrack my brain for it, but I couldn't. In the end, I escaped. Fucking coward.
Fuck, yeah. I-... An explosion went off real near me, and I got thrown, and I was thinking, 'fuck, I'm dead, and this is all I've done with my life?' And when I came to, I wasn't dead, and I just- I ran. I ran until I got to the coast and I saw a ship and I swam to it. I didn't have a plan. I just fucking ran. I... I've never told anybody that. Fuck.
So, yeah, think what you want about me.
Edited (this hobby would be so much easier if i was literate.) Date: 2019-10-20 07:49 pm (UTC)
Well, I can't tell you how you ought to see yourself. I don't know. But in my experience, cowardice is a word that gets thrown around to keep people fighting long after it would have been sensible to walk away.
Do you not like nicknames? I'll call you that if you want, but... calling someone an animal is the worst insult. As far as I'm concerned. [As far as the Qun is.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-10-20 06:37 pm (UTC)And I kept thinking, this is helping? This is what I trained for? Who the fuck was I helping?
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Date: 2019-10-20 06:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 07:08 pm (UTC)I don't know the words in Trade. Everything sounds so light in this language.
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Date: 2019-10-20 07:10 pm (UTC)[ There weren't many who came back from the Tower. But...There were a few. She knows. She understands. ]
So, what, you just kept quiet?
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Date: 2019-10-20 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 07:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 07:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 07:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 07:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 07:48 pm (UTC)So, yeah, think what you want about me.
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Date: 2019-10-20 08:33 pm (UTC)[ Difficult as ever, this girl. ]
So you're ashamed of it?
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Date: 2019-10-20 08:35 pm (UTC)[Tiredly,] I left my sten behind. They were counting on me, and I left them. Ashamed... that's a good word. Yes, ashamed.
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Date: 2019-10-20 08:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 08:51 pm (UTC)Kitty.
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Date: 2019-10-20 08:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 08:57 pm (UTC)Kitty is a nickname. My real name's Kathleen. [ A beat. ] Don't call me that, though.
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Date: 2019-10-20 08:59 pm (UTC)Ashkaari is a term of respect. It means 'one who seeks'. The people who look in unexpected places, who see things where others don't.
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Date: 2019-10-20 09:06 pm (UTC)[ She finds herself flushing. Self-conscious, shy - ]
I do...read a lot, I guess.
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Date: 2019-10-20 09:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 09:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 09:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-20 09:46 pm (UTC)[ But... ]
I appreciate it, though.
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Date: 2019-10-20 09:50 pm (UTC)Lemme know if there's any shit I can do to help.
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