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[rathercommon]

crystal | letter | cease and desist notices slipped under her door | action

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[rathercommon]

[ A shake of her head. She's leaning forward in the tub, now, arms resting along its side, face animated and passionate, eyes sparkling with energy and, in some way, joy. She's a far cry from the guarded and wary girl who'd walked in. ]

But even then, you're working by their rules, aren't you. Men's rules. The rules of the powerful. If you're only claiming the power that's allotted to women - being pretty, laughing prettily, gossiping - then you're not really doing anything to dismantle the power structures that exist. You're accepting the lot that's given to you. And even a rich girl like you has got to be dissatisfied with your lot. I mean, just listen to that talk - making yourself into a weapon. Why would you ever be the weapon when you could be the warrior?

[coquettish_trees]

[ Alexandrie shakes her head slightly, although she answers Kitty's sudden ebullience with a smile of her own. ] Do not mistake me, I am both blade and wielder.

The power allotted to women is a subtle one, but by improving myself, by being pretty, laughing prettily, being clever, clawing my way to the center in the ways that are provided for me, I make it more likely that I find a husband who is himself a fine blade to wield. If I am lucky and clever and pretty enough, I find myself bound to a true partner, and we are a force to be reckoned with. I bear heirs, the family prospers, and we may do such things as make sure our cities are built with well paid and well treated workers. If I am not? [ a small wry half-smile ] Then I bear the price of that failure as a swordsman might bear the price of a poorly executed block in combat.

As far as working within those rules? [ she flicks the surface of the water again. ] It is what it is. Being constantly disaffected with my place in society would bring me more pain, consternation, and sleepless nights than I am given by existing as I do. If it were else, I would perhaps attempt to circumvent them more than I do, which, I suppose, is where revolutions like yours come from. The struggle against a much larger force being less painful than enduring where the force has placed you.

[ and then, a complete digression: ] Have you scrubbed enough? The water is cooling enough that I should like to ring for the next.

[rathercommon]

I - Oh. Erm - give me a second.

[ Kitty had gotten distracted. She grabs for soap and hastily scrubs herself with brisk efficiency as she goes on. ]

You're right, of course. It is much less painful to go along with everyone else. But that's what they count on, isn't it? By ensuring that stability is warm and comforting, they keep things stable. Because when things are unstable, they risk their power. They make it so that the cost of outright disobedience by clever women like you is too high so that to bring them down would be to go against your best interests, too.

[ And then, firmly - ] I'll never get married, myself. I'll never bear children, either. Marriage is a prison and parenthood's a miserable trap.

[coquettish_trees]

[ At the last, Alexandrie's eyes sparkle, and she rests her chin on the heel of her hand. ]

Cherie, you are already married and a mother. [ she waves her hand dismissively ] Perhaps not to a man, and you've not labored to bear a babe of flesh and blood, but you are as faithful and true to your ideals as one might be a husband, and as fiercely protective of and doting on your chosen work as any parent.

[rathercommon]

[ Oh. That brings a faint color into her cheeks. No good reason to blush, but she blushes. ]

I mean...I suppose. I mean, I guess I do detest my cause, sometimes.

[ Anyway. She gives a little nod as she sets the soap aside. ]

Okay, I'm done. We can do new water now.

[coquettish_trees]

[ The blush gets a widened grin, and then Alexandrie rises, water sluicing down her, to get up and walk it unconcernedly all across the floor to give the hanging bell-pull a deft tug before moving to sit on a chair that had been draped in a clean soft linen for this express purpose. ]

What is love without a little blood, no?

[ it won't be too long before a small platoon of very clean and very efficient women are appearing to empty and remove the tubs, replacing them with high-backed oval copper ones that are summarily filled with water that steams a bit more energetically than the previous. The small tables that had held soap and sand are whisked clean and filled instead from the back table's selection of herbs, flowers, and different oils before the two women are again alone.

It's a little dizzying, to be honest, but Alexandrie looks as if everything is in perfectly normal order. She's already dipping a toe in the water and looking satisfied. ]

May I recommend the lavender?

[rathercommon]

[ Kitty had gone red and flustered as soon as the troupe of women had come in - but she's not the first shy guest they've dealt with, and she won't be the last. One of them fetched her a robe to cover up with as they refill the tub; she's wearing that robe now as she awkwardly sticks a fingertip into the water. She looks up as Alexandrie makes her recommendation, then gives a little nod and fetches the lavender. With it goes a large sprig of rosemary and sage; she's been applying these spirit-warding herbs habitually since the early days of the Resistance. ]

Thanks. For the recommendation.

[ She shucks the robe and slips into the water quickly and rather agilely, revealing a minimum of skin. ]

[coquettish_trees]

[ She's into the tub, and letting out a happy sigh at the just shy of scorching heat of the water, leaning back against the raised edge to rest her head on the small pillow attached to it before reaching a hand out languidly to retrieve and sniff each little vial of oil in turn until the rose is found and added. ]

Nails shall be done, but there is also the potential for a nice massage seeing as you seem to favor the more physical side of combat.

[rathercommon]

Massage?

[ Kitty's face plainly reveals her dismay. ]

Isn't that - rather a lot of touching?

[coquettish_trees]

[ A pause, and then Alexandrie raises an eyebrow. ]

Inasmuch as having your physician visit to examine you when you are ill is a lot of touching, yes.

[rathercommon]

[ She shakes her head. ]

There's a lot less of it then.

[coquettish_trees]

I mean in that it is entirely professional touching. But you are very welcome to stay in knots if that is your preference.

[ Kitty's so tense, she just assumes there are knots.

Alexandrie pauses briefly, and then gently: ]

You are not accustomed to closeness of any variety, are you.

[ It's not actually a question. ]

[rathercommon]

[ She doesn't want to stay in knots, particularly, but...Well, part of it's her propriety, yes. The thought of letting some stranger touch her freely is horrifying. And part of it's her sheer wariness; how easy would it be, a knife slipped into her back while she's laying face-down all unawares? And - yeah, maybe part of it is her, and the strangeness of a touch. The Joneses were never very...hug-happy.

Of the excuses she can give, she decides that the least personal is probably the safest. So she answers: ]

This won't mean anything to you, but - I'm English. The English aren't renowned for their closeness. [ Certainly not as expressive as the French - and yes, Alexandrie is Orlesian, not French, but it really does seem to be the same thing. ]

[coquettish_trees]

[ Kitty's right, 'English' doesn't mean anything to Alexandrie specifically, but it doesn't have to for her to be able to connect to the idea of a national culture that shapes ones social mores, so she nods. ]

Then as it should not be relaxing, it shall not occur. The water will do some of that manner of work, at least. I shall not tease you on it; after all, it is not as if I occupy a safe place from where to fling stones at those who avoid intimacies of one ilk or another.

[ She pauses a moment, and then smiles oddly, leaning back again. ]

See? I keep my promises.

[rathercommon]

Yeah, you do.

[ That's not hard to admit. This Alexandrie is definitely a contrast to her usual airheaded self. Thoughtful and articulate and self-aware - ]

I wish you'd always be like this.

[coquettish_trees]

[ Alexandrie has any number of rejoinders to that, considers them as one might an array of shoes. In the end, though, she just looks a little sad, reaching to pick a dried rose petal off the table nearby and float it on the surface of the water like a boat far from land. ]

Wishes are dangerous, cherie.

[ She'd used to make them. That was before she learned that each one put a little loop inside you that could be tugged at, used to pull you about. All honest desires could be used in such a way.

The heat of the water slowly soaks and weakens the curved shell of the petal, and she watches it sink with a sort of amused wistfulness. Ah, poor thing that succumbs to both its nature and the water's.

What would she wish, if she still engaged in such folly? That there was truth in the way they touched?

Such things were not for people like them. ]

They are how we create little pretty flickers of false hope that we may someday have what we may not. Mirages, where suffering thirst, we consume sand.

[rathercommon]

[ If you'd told Kitty, after their first conversation, that she'd be feeling a pang of emotion for Alexandrie du et cetera and so on and so forth (Kitty doesn't think she'd be able to remember the girl's first name if she had a knife to her throat), she'd have laughed. But she feels that pang of emotion now. Obviously, the rich have got it better than common folk like her - obviously - but...

There is an agony involved in having an alternative. Some of the members of the Resistance, Fred, for example - they were born to such miserable poverty that they'd never had any other choice. There was no chance for a life that was anything but utterly abject. But Kitty'd had a home, and two parents, and a shot at a comfortable career as someone's secretary. It would have been easy, after Mr Pennyfeather had paid her debts, to just go back to the quiet life. Sometimes it was even tempting. But at the end of the day, the temptation was weak enough that breaking away was like snapping a string. Ladies like Alexandrie, though - they're bound to that temptation by lovely silvery bejewelled chains, though, aren't they?

Poor thing. ]

Mirages are also sometimes what keep you moving through the desert, though. [ Not that Kitty's ever been out in a desert, but - she's read adventure stories. ] Keep you going till you reach the other side.

[coquettish_trees]

A firm enough resolve does much the same.

[ Alexandrie looks back over at Kitty, but she has visibly swept the brief indulgence in sorrow from herself like a maid might attend to so much dust. ]

Wishing is not needful unless that has faltered.

[rathercommon]

A resolve for what?

[ Kitty looks back at Alexandrie, dark eyes watchful - but not wary or frightened as they had been before. Instead, her stare is thoughtful and intent. When Kitty had been in school, she was the absolute terror of many a teacher. ]

What's the difference between a wish and a desire to see something done? Or is it just a resolve to survive?

[coquettish_trees]

A wish is passive. A plaintive request of the heavens. [ she gestures dismissively. ] So too is a desire, if it is not supplemented by the resolve to act.

[ here she moves to lean against the wall of the tub again, folding her arms over the side to regard Kitty with much the same look in bright blue. ]

So often, wishes and desires come first and then one musters, if one can, the resolve to accomplish them. The gulf between the desire and the resolve, if they do not match, is easily exploited. Much like a swordsman who overreaches and places himself off balance and exposed.

Abandoning the former means you are left only with the surety of what can be accomplished.

[rathercommon]

But abandoning the former also means you're left doing only what's been already proven possible. What's been done before.

[ She leans a bit further forward - ]

If you're only reaching as far as you already know you can, then you'll always be limiting yourself. Because people like you, people like me, we're told - you can't go so far. But more often than not, people underestimate us. We underestimate ourselves. Forcing ourselves forward, forcing ourselves to be courageous and to dare new things - if we do that, we can go beyond what others want for us.

[coquettish_trees]

[ Suddenly, she is sharp: ] I once thought to go too far beyond the place I was given, and was summarily provided with what comes of that in this world.

[ And then, just as suddenly, conversational again: ] In any case, you are wrong. It is perfectly possible to expand ones courage, daring, and capability without aiming for some far away star. It is the difference between increasing your skill with surety from pebble to stone to boulder and deciding that you shall go outside and lift a rock the size of your own body because your desire to do so shall be enough. You shall injure yourself.

[rathercommon]

[ Kitty presses her lips together, expression - not pitying, but sympathetic. She can guess exactly what incident Alexandrie is talking about. That discussion of the portrait had had...too much weight, too much significance, to be anything less than a painfully formative event in the woman's life.

She's not sure if this'll help. Maybe it won't. Probably it won't. But - Of the two of them, Alexandrie has told of this painful thing in her life, while Kitty had dodged the question of her misery. So. She offers this out. ]

I'm...from a world that's a lot like Tevinter. Mages in charge. The rest of us smashed down. When I was a girl, a friend and I were playing in a park, and we got caught by a magician who - attacked us. I got away all right, but my friend, he's - He never looked the same again. And so I did what I was supposed to, I played by the rules - I sued him for what he did. And he won the case, and won it so ferociously that I got saddled with more debts than I could possibly pay off, and I'd have gone to debtor's prison if I hadn't gotten help.

Safety's an illusion. [ She shakes her head. ] It feels like things ought to work like they do in the natural world, building up your strength, daring little things and never getting hurt for it, but that isn't how it works. Everything is dangerous, always. So why not be brave?

[coquettish_trees]

[ Like Tevinter. So that is why Kitty has been so easily aggravated by the Inquisition's small sprinkling of Tevenes.

(irritation briefly flickers across her face at the way her heart responds to the bare thought of him before she gathers it all and shoves it into a box.)

The rest of the story is a sad one, and unfair, as life so often is. It was strange, how differently the two of them had responded to such things, one in each direction: Alexandrie risking less, Kitty somehow risking more. Everything is dangerous, always. So why not be brave? It's a simple enough idea, but to Alexandrie, accepting it feels the same as wishing. ]

If everything will hurt always, no matter what is done, why hurt yourself even further still in reaching for any true desire?

[rathercommon]

[ Kitty hesitates, nibbling on her lip as she thinks. It's funny, how invigorating this conversation is. Even in the Resistance, they never talked about their reasons for doing things beyond simply the magicians are unjust, they must be brought down. This sort of conversation - Well. She's only really had it twice. Once with the demon Bartimaeus, and now with this woman Alexandrie. If she's learned anything from the past few months, she's learned this: always, always, always strike up conversations with people you assume you're going to hate. ]

Well - maybe because that's the way you'll help the world. Or maybe because that's the way you'll help yourself. Maybe if you're brave, and try to make change, you'll change your circumstances, too, and break free. And find joy.