You asked me once if I had done as I did for the sake of witches—of mages—in Sulleciel. In what was my home. And we debated the precise...the semantics of what magic is and is not to one world and another. Of why that was not my motive, and indeed why it could not have been, but I did not answer the question that I think, that I presume lay behind it.
( why did she act as she had. and while it's a fair assessment that they had got somewhat derailed, it's also fair to say that petrana might not have ever intended to answer, regardless. on a day that had been a great deal of unwilling exposure already. )
I was put in mind of that conversation, recently. I wished to say, what I imagined was—
It was unusual for a woman to be educated the way that I was. A novelty, like watching a dog walk upon its hind legs. Amusing, but ultimately irrelevant. A man might better himself, but a woman might only hope to catch the eye of one who had. The structure had rot within it, but so long as there was someone else lower, who would risk burning it? If they might lose, and be crushed beneath it. A woman need not perform magic to be called a witch for the sin of opinion.
That was why. And when it had taken from me all that it could, I had no reason not to fight it. I was meant to be grateful that I might be an exception, that but for a living brother I might have been a dull flower set upon the sill of a dull man. But I was not remarkable, I was simply lucky, and how could I not see the unfairness in that? I did not deserve more by virtue. I was given it because I had no brother to come before me. What might any of us do, if we were a little luckier? I thought to find out. It betrayed the lie of the whole of it.
Magic did not free me. It was a choke-chain to control me, and until Thedas it was never more than that. But education is what allowed me to see what was wrong and think it need not always be. That in recognizing it I had a responsibility to act upon my knowledge. I fear I did not do enough, then. But that is one thing that I have learned from the past.
—this is doubtless a wearisome lecture. I thank you if you have listened to it.
Edited (love finding redundancies after i tag its great) Date: 2019-11-13 08:37 am (UTC)
Well—it is rather awkward to announce, but I suppose, myself. I preferred not to press you on what spirits displayed, but mine were—regrettably talkative.
I suppose it rather lingered with me. A question I am not often asked, doubtless the answers must seem—self-evident.
( which is not a critique. the way she's comported herself in thedas, it is a natural assumption that she's always championed a mage's cause. )
I was very angry with Marius for what he'd done, when I found out. I hadn't known the crime for which he was exiled when I followed him. It was a very different world.
If he had not killed me for leaving, if I succeeded in returning home, my daughter's life would have been forfeit. And then, when he argued that I could not be safe if I too did not know magic to protect myself in his absence, I did not have an uncle upon a throne who would spare my life for the crime.
Marius's crime was witchcraft. He avoided, by virtue of his sex and his uncle's unwillingness to execute a male heir for a woman's crime, a slow death by burning. Veda would have been born on the wrong side of the blanket, unwanted by whatever man would take payment for absorbing the embarrassment of my scandal in marriage, and subject to the other consequence for witchcraft, which suffers not a witch's child to live lest they carry the taint of sin they were born from.
Her great-uncle would not have been so kind to about unwished for reminder of Marius. To bring her home with me would have been to sign her death warrant in my own hand.
Legally speaking, I was the property of my father until such time as I became the property of my husband. Veda ordinarily therefore would be my father's to dispose of as he saw fit, but as her paternal family outranked ours, he would cede the Archiduc's will. I would have inherited my father's title, and it would have been my dowry, and become my husband's along with the estate and all of my inheritance.
I believed that we were best with Marius. That I knew him, at least, that we had once believed in the same things and I might influence him well. That Veda had her best chance beneath his protection. I had trusted him, once, and to his credit I have never doubted his love for his children.
( it wasn't a great decision, but there hadn't been great options. )
But it was. Awful. And- Marius's extremes aside, common. Terribly, terribly common. I wished to make it less so.
Originally, I thought to change culture by changing minds. To lead by example, and use what influence I might gain—to throw our political support behind endeavours that might improve matters. I wished, ( there is a wryness in her voice, ) to support education reforms, and to counteract the influence of the church in day to day society.
After Marius's exile—he would conquer that which had cast him out. We dismantled the architecture of the church's power and writ into law protections for the practising of its faith, instead. Laws against witchcraft were struck down, and we had been arguing for some time about the precise ways in which we should memorialize those murdered by the state.
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timeasmymeasure
crystal.
Date: 2019-11-13 08:36 am (UTC)( why did she act as she had. and while it's a fair assessment that they had got somewhat derailed, it's also fair to say that petrana might not have ever intended to answer, regardless. on a day that had been a great deal of unwilling exposure already. )
I was put in mind of that conversation, recently. I wished to say, what I imagined was—
It was unusual for a woman to be educated the way that I was. A novelty, like watching a dog walk upon its hind legs. Amusing, but ultimately irrelevant. A man might better himself, but a woman might only hope to catch the eye of one who had. The structure had rot within it, but so long as there was someone else lower, who would risk burning it? If they might lose, and be crushed beneath it. A woman need not perform magic to be called a witch for the sin of opinion.
That was why. And when it had taken from me all that it could, I had no reason not to fight it. I was meant to be grateful that I might be an exception, that but for a living brother I might have been a dull flower set upon the sill of a dull man. But I was not remarkable, I was simply lucky, and how could I not see the unfairness in that? I did not deserve more by virtue. I was given it because I had no brother to come before me. What might any of us do, if we were a little luckier? I thought to find out. It betrayed the lie of the whole of it.
Magic did not free me. It was a choke-chain to control me, and until Thedas it was never more than that. But education is what allowed me to see what was wrong and think it need not always be. That in recognizing it I had a responsibility to act upon my knowledge. I fear I did not do enough, then. But that is one thing that I have learned from the past.
—this is doubtless a wearisome lecture. I thank you if you have listened to it.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-14 02:21 pm (UTC)[ Wow. This is a lot to wake up to. Especially when you're waking up from a midday nap. ]
You've - clearly been - doing a lot of thinking.
[ what the fuck is this ]
no subject
Date: 2019-11-14 08:00 pm (UTC)Yes. I apologise if in the interim it has rather become less compelling to know.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-15 02:13 am (UTC)[ Embarrassed - ]
I've just - you know - forgotten a few of the details of exactly what we were talking about.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-18 05:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-21 12:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-26 09:32 am (UTC)( which is not a critique. the way she's comported herself in thedas, it is a natural assumption that she's always championed a mage's cause. )
I was very angry with Marius for what he'd done, when I found out. I hadn't known the crime for which he was exiled when I followed him. It was a very different world.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-27 01:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-27 02:21 am (UTC)Yes. I stayed.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-27 02:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-27 02:55 am (UTC)Her great-uncle would not have been so kind to about unwished for reminder of Marius. To bring her home with me would have been to sign her death warrant in my own hand.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-27 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-27 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-27 03:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-27 03:44 am (UTC)( it wasn't a great decision, but there hadn't been great options. )
But it was. Awful. And- Marius's extremes aside, common. Terribly, terribly common. I wished to make it less so.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-11 11:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-12-12 09:16 am (UTC)After Marius's exile—he would conquer that which had cast him out. We dismantled the architecture of the church's power and writ into law protections for the practising of its faith, instead. Laws against witchcraft were struck down, and we had been arguing for some time about the precise ways in which we should memorialize those murdered by the state.
I did not see the end results of his work.