Good. Then you're sharper than most. Or, if I'm inclined to feel charitable and fucking poetic--there is that same knowledge of that unfairness, buried deep in ever man. Most leave it buried, a choice made either consciously, unconsciously--it doesn't matter for the purpose of this question. Tell me when you decided to dig it out of yourself. If there was one moment, crystallized--if there were two moments, ten, fourteen, which all led to the realization, when was that realization.
[ She fidgets, uncomfortable. Her voice is quiet. ]
Cast a Black Tumbler on us for - we were playing a game, and damaged his property, so he did it. And so I took him to court, and they called me a liar and fined me six hundred pounds and all the while kissed their own arses about how grand and fair their laws were.
[Quiet, but vitriolic. It doesn't matter if he knows them, if he walked into a courtroom and paid a fine for that same crime. It's shit, always.]
It's the same story, played differently. And you were not calm, afterward. Perhaps you did not go out and draw blood that same night, after the fine had been paid, but you were at least angry.
I had someone come after me - a man. Mr Pennyfeather. [ She pushes her hands into her pockets. ] He offered to pay the debt if I'd hear him out about his group. So I did. And I joined.
[ She's quiet a moment. ]
I was just a lookout for a while. For the first little while. But as time went on I did more. It took some time before the first time I - [ Hurt someone. Killed someone. ] But - Yeah. I was angry.
Anger is inspiration. It's necessary. As necessary as chaos, and I would never deprive anyone of either of them. I would never wring my hands over who else might contrive to use for their ends.
Because if the anger is strong enough, righteous enough, no one will use it but the man who holds it. He will be awake, and he will be enraged. And if anyone does manage to use him, let them have their throats cut next.
Because secretly, I believe in fate. [NOT.] And yet you're here, by which I mean you are speaking with me, about revolution, about true change, about taking risks for something worth believing in. Planning. Thinking. You weren't truly discouraged by getting taken.
That is what matters. That fucking perseverance. People will call it by many names. They will make you feel like shit for it. Fuck them all.
[ She reminds herself of her earlier resolve to absolutely, positively not cry in front of Nikos. But she finds her face suddenly flushed and hot, and her eyesight gets all wet and wobbly, and it's not her fault that stupid Nikos suddenly decided to say something sweet. Because it is sweet, even spoken as it is, something she needed to hear years ago -
She ducks her head so he can't see. But stupidly, she betrays herself with a great wet sniff. ]
[He assumes nothing until the sniff--which is startling, despite Nikos' powers of observation, and loud enough that he actually looks over at Kitty. This is a mistake that he quickly corrects, and resolutely sets his gaze forward, steady.
Without looking around, he reaches for his flask. The first drink is his. So is the second. Then he shoves it, brusque, at Kitty, still without looking at her or slowing his steps. And without saying anything at all, too. The strong warm smell of rum wafts up from the flask's interior, a heady and scented cloud.]
[ Well, actually, you know what? What the hell. She's never let alcohol past her lips before - she's seen too many people turned stupid and senseless by it, lulled into quiescence by its effects. But it's not like Nikos is actually really ever dulled by it. So maybe it's not as bad as she'd thought. And anything, anything, to take her mind off the stupid soppy feelings caused by his kind words.
[Despite the circumstances--or maybe because he's himself--Nikos smirks a little. He's still smirking when he reaches to take back the flask from Kitty.]
Something the matter?
[And he doesn't mean the crying. He's not going to talk about the crying.]
[ There aren't any tears now - or, well, there aren't any tears that come out of the twisted-up, complicated feelings of being told that the worst part about you, the bit that the world hates the most, is actually something good. No, these tears are purely, one hundred percent outraged pain over the fact that Nikos seems to have handed her liquid fire. ]
This is awful! Why do you drink this?
[ Perhaps illogically, she draws her hand back to pull it out of his reach, so that he can't take it back. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-05-10 04:22 pm (UTC)[ The question is both unexpected and deeply personal. So she falters a moment. ]
I always knew. On some level.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-10 04:52 pm (UTC)Good. Then you're sharper than most. Or, if I'm inclined to feel charitable and fucking poetic--there is that same knowledge of that unfairness, buried deep in ever man. Most leave it buried, a choice made either consciously, unconsciously--it doesn't matter for the purpose of this question. Tell me when you decided to dig it out of yourself. If there was one moment, crystallized--if there were two moments, ten, fourteen, which all led to the realization, when was that realization.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-10 05:08 pm (UTC)[ She fidgets, uncomfortable. Her voice is quiet. ]
Cast a Black Tumbler on us for - we were playing a game, and damaged his property, so he did it. And so I took him to court, and they called me a liar and fined me six hundred pounds and all the while kissed their own arses about how grand and fair their laws were.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-10 09:57 pm (UTC)Motherfuckers.
[Quiet, but vitriolic. It doesn't matter if he knows them, if he walked into a courtroom and paid a fine for that same crime. It's shit, always.]
It's the same story, played differently. And you were not calm, afterward. Perhaps you did not go out and draw blood that same night, after the fine had been paid, but you were at least angry.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-10 10:31 pm (UTC)[ She's quiet a moment. ]
I was just a lookout for a while. For the first little while. But as time went on I did more. It took some time before the first time I - [ Hurt someone. Killed someone. ] But - Yeah. I was angry.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-11 12:17 am (UTC)Because if the anger is strong enough, righteous enough, no one will use it but the man who holds it. He will be awake, and he will be enraged. And if anyone does manage to use him, let them have their throats cut next.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-11 12:18 am (UTC)[ That's not a happy fact. But nor is she ashamed. She looks at Nikos, mouth tight. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-11 12:30 am (UTC)And yet you're here.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-11 12:38 am (UTC)What - In Thedas? What's that got to do with anything?
no subject
Date: 2019-05-13 06:07 pm (UTC)Because secretly, I believe in fate. [NOT.] And yet you're here, by which I mean you are speaking with me, about revolution, about true change, about taking risks for something worth believing in. Planning. Thinking. You weren't truly discouraged by getting taken.
That is what matters. That fucking perseverance. People will call it by many names. They will make you feel like shit for it. Fuck them all.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-13 09:06 pm (UTC)[ She reminds herself of her earlier resolve to absolutely, positively not cry in front of Nikos. But she finds her face suddenly flushed and hot, and her eyesight gets all wet and wobbly, and it's not her fault that stupid Nikos suddenly decided to say something sweet. Because it is sweet, even spoken as it is, something she needed to hear years ago -
She ducks her head so he can't see. But stupidly, she betrays herself with a great wet sniff. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-14 05:11 am (UTC)Without looking around, he reaches for his flask. The first drink is his. So is the second. Then he shoves it, brusque, at Kitty, still without looking at her or slowing his steps. And without saying anything at all, too. The strong warm smell of rum wafts up from the flask's interior, a heady and scented cloud.]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-15 01:13 am (UTC)[ Well, actually, you know what? What the hell. She's never let alcohol past her lips before - she's seen too many people turned stupid and senseless by it, lulled into quiescence by its effects. But it's not like Nikos is actually really ever dulled by it. So maybe it's not as bad as she'd thought. And anything, anything, to take her mind off the stupid soppy feelings caused by his kind words.
So she takes it, and takes a tentative sip -
And chokes. ]
Oh, my God - Why!
no subject
Date: 2019-05-15 04:53 am (UTC)Something the matter?
[And he doesn't mean the crying. He's not going to talk about the crying.]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-15 11:39 am (UTC)This is awful! Why do you drink this?
[ Perhaps illogically, she draws her hand back to pull it out of his reach, so that he can't take it back. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-15 07:40 pm (UTC)[And, with mild irritation--]
Though I wasn't giving it to you.
[So. You know. Give it. He holds his hand out, in that overdone sharp wrist-snap of impatience.]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-15 09:30 pm (UTC)Is this one considered good? As alcohols go?
no subject
Date: 2019-05-15 10:13 pm (UTC)Why. Would you want it for your own, if it was?
no subject
Date: 2019-05-15 10:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-05-16 03:53 am (UTC)[So. He repeats the impatient gesture in her direction.]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-16 05:13 pm (UTC)Well, why don't you get the good stuff?
no subject
Date: 2019-05-16 09:40 pm (UTC)I don't get it because I do not deserve the good stuff.
[--Very flat. He waits to see if she will fall for it.]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-16 09:45 pm (UTC)That's completely absurd. You must know that's absurd.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-16 10:18 pm (UTC)No. Is it?
no subject
Date: 2019-05-17 01:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
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