One need not be terribly soft to think it a proper, if risky, decision. Nothing provides such opportunity for introspection as recieving mercy where one expects none.
If they think you weak and a fool, they think you weak and a fool. Nothing has shifted. But if they are of such material that such an action changes a heart--
[ Alexandrie lifts her shoulders slightly. It is rare enough, but... ]
You have, of a sudden, a toe in the door. A friend amongst foes.
[ She tilts her head. ]
Do you think less of yourself, or more? For having been unable to be ruthless in such a situation.
[ She lifts her chin, suddenly fierce in her pride. ]
I was perfectly able to be ruthless. I chose not to be. [ Leaning forward over her tea - ] And I don't think better or worse of myself. The fact is I demonstrated that I don't follow the self-interested choice. I don't make the easy choice. I made my choice.
[ The smile that appears at the loft and set of Kitty's chin is one of fond approval. And one which is quickly whisked away lest her prickly defenses take it for patronizing. ]
Then the lessened estimation of those half dozen individuals is hardly worth the time it would take to name them, for you have little desire to court the good opinion of those who do not place value on having the courage of ones own convictions, non?
[ Kitty's nose scrunches up a bit at that smile - but she knows Lexie well enough now that she can tell the difference between when the woman's being condescending and when she's not. It seems genuine enough, in this case. ]
Well - except that those people are people I like. [ A sigh. ] Lakshmi, Nikos...even Gwen.
[ Alexandrie chuckles into her tea for that, the corners of her eyes crinkling merrily; something that would hardly have been allowed when her acquaintance with Kitty had begun. ]
Nikos I know little of save that he is an exceedingly fine, if initially recalcitrant, dancer with a charmingly enthusiastic ability to look dour and produce profanity, so I cannot speak to him. But the others...
[ Had been what had caused her mirth. ]
I think you shall find that Gigi is extremely fond of making choices that belong to her and her alone and respects it in others even if it is in her sometime grudging way. Rani Lakshmi Bai, I suspect, shares that opinion... [ The woman was a tiger that had once known the walls of a menagerie and would never return. ] and if she did not, I believe she should separate her feelings on the action from her feelings on you yourself.
[ a wry look over her cup, then. ]
I cannot tell if you should care for my favor. There would certainly have been a time not too long ago where I scoffed at the motivation of being faithful to yourself rather than as a move in a greater plot. But I did not truly have a self to be faithful to, then.
Now? [ the word is dry, Alexandrie knowing well enough what opinions Kitty has on some of her choices, but what follows is sincere. ] I think it admirable and well worth the pride you have in it.
[ The image is bizarre enough to momentarily derail Kitty's train of thought. But she shakes her head immediately afterwards - that's definitely the least important part of the foregoing conversation. ]
Anyway. I - do value your opinion. Definitely. [ That's said a little bit awkwardly; for all of Kitty's passion, she sometimes has a lot of trouble giving voice to her true emotions. ] And that is good to know about Gwen. Though Lakshmi...I don't know. He's English, and English in a way I think she can't forgive. She barely forgives me.
[ A sigh. ]
But - it's all well and good if I'm proud of myself. But what if it was the wrong choice? I think he's older than he was when I saved him, and he doesn't...It's not like he gave up magic after I helped him or anything.
Oh, he very much does. As enjoyable a partner as I have ever had, even [ especially ] whilst drunk and arguing.
[ She smiles rather fondly at the recollection, and recrosses her ankles. ]
As far as the Bai Saheba, she may very well not forgive him what he is. But her forgiveness of him is immaterial. [ She flickers her hand, a graceful dismissal. ] It is you we are concerned with, and you I think she should still respect.
[ a brief pause ]
Eventually, if not immediately.
[ another sip of tea, and a loft of her eyebrows. ]
I imagine you shall not forgive the man I love for what he is, and shall perhaps ever and always at the very least wrinkle your nose at me for my persistence in loving him, but we are still friends, are we not?
[ A bit softer, then, her eyes lowering to the amber of her tea as she thinks of other choices she had made. ]
Any decision one makes may prove to be a poor one, and you may well rue the result, but... if you, thinking back to the person you were, the circumstances you found yourself in, know you should have always made it... [ a small sad smile, when she looks back up. ] Then there is nothing for it but to straighten your back and continue on.
[ Her conversational tone returning, ] He may not have given up his magic, but know you if his feelings on the employment of it—his own, and that of others—have changed?
[ With savagery in her tone, but not savagery directed at Lexie - ] Somehow still friends. Even though you ought to have had nothing to do with him after how he treated you. One a man makes you cry, he's worthless and might as well be dead as far as it matters. Honestly, Lexie, it's not like there aren't thousands of better ones out there who'd just about die over how lucky they are to be with you.
[ Realtalk Jones over here. Anyway - ]
But not really, as far as I can tell. He's still talking about how he's going to use magic to make the Empire grand and powerful and safe and all that.
It should be an understatement to say that I was hardly kind in return; but we have forgiven it of each other.
To the fellow, he can hardly do that from here. And you have a chance, with him separated from the society and influences that formed him, to cause him to reconsider his ideals.
[ amusedly: ] I have changed enough, removed from the life I had known, and in no small part due to your persistence.
I do. [ it's readily agreed, ] but I save such things for people who should be best pleased by it.
You are best pleased by honesty, the which I have promised you, [ a look of amusement passes across her face, ] on the considerable honor of my sister, I believe, and so honesty it is.
[ Her flush deepens. ] No. I mean - Well. I guess so. Honestly, usually, people tell me to piss off 'cause I'm annoying. And I definitely haven't changed that many minds.
[ Gently, but pointedly: ] That you are aware of. After all, you seem surprised to find yourself an influence on me.
[ Alexandrie sets her cup on the saucer in her lap, the better to express her full attention. ]
I had little reason to think past the ebb and flow of my own life, plans, and fortunes when I arrived in Kirkwall. The Grand Game is a consumptive thing, and, I have found once removed from its immediacy, incredibly isolating. We have our world, the lower classes have theirs. The twain meet rarely, and the moments in which they do are easily overlooked.
Even on my forays into Val Fontaine, both town and surrounding lands, I felt myself separate and above. [ She makes a forestalling gesture, in the likely case that Kitty has something to say about that. ] In the way of a caretaker to their charge--which is what we are meant to be. We compensate for seasons of poor yield, outfit the town guard, aid in dispensing justice, encourage new trade, care for the roads and concern ourselves with the safety of traversing them, and enjoy the resultant wealth that is provided to us in exchange.
Why should I have ever had cause to think about the myriad of ways such a way of things could be exploited and made cruel?
[ She picks up the cup again and gestures with it, a smile tugging at her lips. ]
Unless it is repeatedly and aggressively elucidated upon, at least.
[ A "good person". For that, a small wistful smile. ]
Ah, no. I am not good, cherie. I am selfish and vengeful and both capable and willing to be terribly cruel in it, caring not a whit for the injury of any others who stand in my path unless they are important to me, and that is hardly the whole of it.
But I shall at least grant that there is enough of something good in me to continue to find myself concerned with "getting it".
I have arranged for men to be killed for no other reason than they caused me injury.
[ She lifts her shoulders and frees a hand to gesture the lack of worry it causes her. ]
There are a great number of things I should do for the preservation of this world, but I suspect only inasmuch as it aids me or those I have come to care for as well. Good acts do not mean good actors.
But, to the original subject of our conversation, nor do evil acts mean evil actors. You may well find change has been planted in your erstwhile foe.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 01:28 am (UTC)None, really. 'Cept for - you know - the really soft ones.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 01:42 am (UTC)If they think you weak and a fool, they think you weak and a fool. Nothing has shifted. But if they are of such material that such an action changes a heart--
[ Alexandrie lifts her shoulders slightly. It is rare enough, but... ]
You have, of a sudden, a toe in the door. A friend amongst foes.
[ She tilts her head. ]
Do you think less of yourself, or more? For having been unable to be ruthless in such a situation.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 01:52 am (UTC)I was perfectly able to be ruthless. I chose not to be. [ Leaning forward over her tea - ] And I don't think better or worse of myself. The fact is I demonstrated that I don't follow the self-interested choice. I don't make the easy choice. I made my choice.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 02:59 am (UTC)Then the lessened estimation of those half dozen individuals is hardly worth the time it would take to name them, for you have little desire to court the good opinion of those who do not place value on having the courage of ones own convictions, non?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 01:15 pm (UTC)Well - except that those people are people I like. [ A sigh. ] Lakshmi, Nikos...even Gwen.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 02:54 pm (UTC)Nikos I know little of save that he is an exceedingly fine, if initially recalcitrant, dancer with a charmingly enthusiastic ability to look dour and produce profanity, so I cannot speak to him. But the others...
[ Had been what had caused her mirth. ]
I think you shall find that Gigi is extremely fond of making choices that belong to her and her alone and respects it in others even if it is in her sometime grudging way. Rani Lakshmi Bai, I suspect, shares that opinion... [ The woman was a tiger that had once known the walls of a menagerie and would never return. ] and if she did not, I believe she should separate her feelings on the action from her feelings on you yourself.
[ a wry look over her cup, then. ]
I cannot tell if you should care for my favor. There would certainly have been a time not too long ago where I scoffed at the motivation of being faithful to yourself rather than as a move in a greater plot. But I did not truly have a self to be faithful to, then.
Now? [ the word is dry, Alexandrie knowing well enough what opinions Kitty has on some of her choices, but what follows is sincere. ] I think it admirable and well worth the pride you have in it.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 03:20 pm (UTC)[ The image is bizarre enough to momentarily derail Kitty's train of thought. But she shakes her head immediately afterwards - that's definitely the least important part of the foregoing conversation. ]
Anyway. I - do value your opinion. Definitely. [ That's said a little bit awkwardly; for all of Kitty's passion, she sometimes has a lot of trouble giving voice to her true emotions. ] And that is good to know about Gwen. Though Lakshmi...I don't know. He's English, and English in a way I think she can't forgive. She barely forgives me.
[ A sigh. ]
But - it's all well and good if I'm proud of myself. But what if it was the wrong choice? I think he's older than he was when I saved him, and he doesn't...It's not like he gave up magic after I helped him or anything.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 03:56 pm (UTC)[ She smiles rather fondly at the recollection, and recrosses her ankles. ]
As far as the Bai Saheba, she may very well not forgive him what he is. But her forgiveness of him is immaterial. [ She flickers her hand, a graceful dismissal. ] It is you we are concerned with, and you I think she should still respect.
[ a brief pause ]
Eventually, if not immediately.
[ another sip of tea, and a loft of her eyebrows. ]
I imagine you shall not forgive the man I love for what he is, and shall perhaps ever and always at the very least wrinkle your nose at me for my persistence in loving him, but we are still friends, are we not?
[ A bit softer, then, her eyes lowering to the amber of her tea as she thinks of other choices she had made. ]
Any decision one makes may prove to be a poor one, and you may well rue the result, but... if you, thinking back to the person you were, the circumstances you found yourself in, know you should have always made it... [ a small sad smile, when she looks back up. ] Then there is nothing for it but to straighten your back and continue on.
[ Her conversational tone returning, ] He may not have given up his magic, but know you if his feelings on the employment of it—his own, and that of others—have changed?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 04:04 pm (UTC)[ Realtalk Jones over here. Anyway - ]
But not really, as far as I can tell. He's still talking about how he's going to use magic to make the Empire grand and powerful and safe and all that.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 04:19 pm (UTC)It should be an understatement to say that I was hardly kind in return; but we have forgiven it of each other.
To the fellow, he can hardly do that from here. And you have a chance, with him separated from the society and influences that formed him, to cause him to reconsider his ideals.
[ amusedly: ] I have changed enough, removed from the life I had known, and in no small part due to your persistence.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 04:32 pm (UTC)My persistence?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 06:13 pm (UTC)Are you unaware, then? That you effect change simply by being as you are?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-16 09:58 pm (UTC)Yeah, right. Don't be a flatterer, Lexie.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 06:05 am (UTC)What would it gain me, were I speaking falsely?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 05:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 05:53 pm (UTC)You are best pleased by honesty, the which I have promised you, [ a look of amusement passes across her face, ] on the considerable honor of my sister, I believe, and so honesty it is.
Are you unaccustomed to hearing such things?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 05:58 pm (UTC)[ Her flush deepens. ] No. I mean - Well. I guess so. Honestly, usually, people tell me to piss off 'cause I'm annoying. And I definitely haven't changed that many minds.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 06:29 pm (UTC)[ Alexandrie sets her cup on the saucer in her lap, the better to express her full attention. ]
I had little reason to think past the ebb and flow of my own life, plans, and fortunes when I arrived in Kirkwall. The Grand Game is a consumptive thing, and, I have found once removed from its immediacy, incredibly isolating. We have our world, the lower classes have theirs. The twain meet rarely, and the moments in which they do are easily overlooked.
Even on my forays into Val Fontaine, both town and surrounding lands, I felt myself separate and above. [ She makes a forestalling gesture, in the likely case that Kitty has something to say about that. ] In the way of a caretaker to their charge--which is what we are meant to be. We compensate for seasons of poor yield, outfit the town guard, aid in dispensing justice, encourage new trade, care for the roads and concern ourselves with the safety of traversing them, and enjoy the resultant wealth that is provided to us in exchange.
Why should I have ever had cause to think about the myriad of ways such a way of things could be exploited and made cruel?
[ She picks up the cup again and gestures with it, a smile tugging at her lips. ]
Unless it is repeatedly and aggressively elucidated upon, at least.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 06:36 pm (UTC)Yelled in your face, you mean.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 06:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 06:52 pm (UTC)[ A little sigh, and a shrug. ]
You were always a good person, under all the masks and the giggles. I hardly had to state anything emphatically until you - you know - got it.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 07:14 pm (UTC)Ah, no. I am not good, cherie. I am selfish and vengeful and both capable and willing to be terribly cruel in it, caring not a whit for the injury of any others who stand in my path unless they are important to me, and that is hardly the whole of it.
But I shall at least grant that there is enough of something good in me to continue to find myself concerned with "getting it".
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 07:17 pm (UTC)Oh, come on, Lexie.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 07:41 pm (UTC)[ She lifts her shoulders and frees a hand to gesture the lack of worry it causes her. ]
There are a great number of things I should do for the preservation of this world, but I suspect only inasmuch as it aids me or those I have come to care for as well. Good acts do not mean good actors.
But, to the original subject of our conversation, nor do evil acts mean evil actors. You may well find change has been planted in your erstwhile foe.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 07:47 pm (UTC)[ A sigh, and a flick of a hair from her face. ]
But...Maybe. And if it doesn't - Who knows. Maybe being one of the oppressed, rather than an oppressor, will be good for him.
(no subject)
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