( it hasn't escaped gwenaëlle that there are times that they communicate better when they're forced to do it slowly, and so: she does not seek out kitty, nor terrorise a runner, but writes to her in the crystal-activated book so she can see it when she likes. respond when and how she likes. )
I don't want you to think I would ever do anything to hurt you. I mean, knowingly, obviously sometimes people do things and don't realise, that keeps fucking happening, but as much as I'm not always good at it I am trying to be on your side. Even if I don't handle things terrible graciously when blindsided with them after several glasses of wine. Or ever, when I'm frustrated. It all feels so fucking unnecessary. We're all supposed to be trying to do the same thing and pull in the same direction. I thought I could convince Flint to see what I see in you, so that is what I tried to do. And to his credit he let me speak my piece, for all the particular good it did. He said he'd directed you to the Vashoth diplomat (I know this isn't related but don't you find it frustrating they have all these to purpose words and then it's all Qunari this and Qunari that and trying to differentiate just the species is so difficult if they aren't human or elven or I don't actually know if the Qun has any dwarves, I've never asked) and anyway I think you're better off with that avenue if you can reconsider whatever went awry with it.
It's stupid, you know. You were so angry with me when I left, you're probably not even reading this. He was so angry with me. I try and convince you both of what I see in you and I think all I ended up doing was reminding everyone how intolerable I am. And fucking Thranduil can
( can what, madam.
after a short time, the writing resumes. )
You said I try. Well, I do. I did. I will continue to, despite the obvious general consensus that I should stop. So there it is. If I could have only upset Thranduil and not you that would have been preferable as it's what I was trying to do.
[ Unfortunately, the ability to read slowly and write slowly and think things over does not - in this case - temper her temper. Kitty's handwriting is always very neat, but when she writes, there's a slight jaggedness to it that speaks to a tensed forearm, stiff fingers. ]
Is your only regret about all of it that I was upset, then? If I could have heard all of it without flinching, then everything would have been fine? If people had just said, 'Thank you for being a part of this, Gwenayel, we appreciate what you have done,' then you would have been completely content?
[ also, yes, kitty has no idea how to spell her name. ]
( that she leads with that may not be further endearing. )
And no. Obviously. Unless you were thanking me because I'd actually managed to not be frustrated and rude and I'd made the points I wanted to make properly in a way that was useful and it'd actually done what I wanted it to do, then I'd personally still sort of rather you didn't do that if I'm being honest.
But I'm not going to stop trying because I didn't do it right once.
I specifically wanted to make you feel safe and make Flint confident in you. I felt that Thranduil was irresponsibly playing on your fears and taking advantage of you and I wanted, specifically, to stop him from doing that.
He doesn't want to deal with you any more at all. He said he trusted you when he sent Ishal Fazon(so close )and you threw it in her teeth and his and that if you're going respond to every attempt to work with you by trying to nut it, he's got literally anything else better to do.
If you want to give anyone the list of names, I personally think you might want to apologise to her for whatever it is you said and deal with her directly. Diplomacy is going to be the key to all of it anyway, which I imagine is why he sent you to her in the first place.
There wasn't really anything else I could say to sway him. I still think you'll prove him wrong. I think he'll prove you wrong, too.
[ 'and whatnot.' Kitty's hand gets a little more jagged. ]
Yes. It is. So if you understand that, I am not certain how you think that what I would do, if only I could have a bit of Flint's time, is to bend down and lick the dirt off his boots while simultaneously betraying the trust that was put in me. I will die before I give him a single name.
( there's another delay. gwenaëlle is so bewildered she doesn't know how to respond. finally, )
I don't.
( she starts to write I don't know how I wasn't clear, and then scratches it out. tries again. )
What I meant to say was that since you and he aren't going to work together and since it was the other ambassador
( not byerly, she means )
who he'd directed you towards and who is going to be able to do more anyway, if you are going to give them to anyone, she seems like the sensible choice. Ishal. I wasn't saying you have to tell her anything, I was offering you my opinion of who your best option would be if you did want to tell someone.
When I said I think you'll prove each other wrong, I meant by being good at what you do.
[ Somewhere, there's a noise of anger and frustration. The writing comes fast now: ]
This is absurd. I am likely going to end up imprisoned or worse so that I give out this information, and you speak of people that I might want to work with. 'Thranduil was stirring you up,' you say - have you ever considered the possibility, for just a single second, that it is actually you who is blind to the danger? I am not a little girl who is frightened of monsters under her bed. I have been fighting and killing and hiding for longer than you have. I have watched my comrades betrayed and slaughtered, torn to pieces, and I have been sentenced to death myself. So just once, for just a single moment, please just consider the idea that perhaps I am not a stupid little idiot but someone who knows something.
You came to me because I know him. If what I think was never going to matter because you're so much smarter and more experienced than I am, why did you bother? Why pretend it mattered? If all you wanted from me was to nod along and agree with you, you could have saved us all a great deal of time by saying so directly.
But as I was under the mistaken impression that occasionally what I have to say might be worth anything to you, I gave you my opinion. You engaged me in conversation so I gave it to you again. You aren't under any obligation to regard it, which I do not say to suggest that you need my permission when you've made it abundantly clear you never had any intention of considering that, but to make it clear I'm not saying it with the expectation that you owe me anything.
I've never thought you're an idiot. I don't have to think you're stupid to think you're wrong. I think Thranduil is wrong. I can think someone is mistaken and respect them. I am
( a delay. disappointed kitty can't?
what's the point in explaining herself to someone who has already decided what she is. )
[ A blot of ink where her pen rests. Then, quite jagged: ]
I did not want your advice. I wanted your help. I wanted you to help keep me safe. But I suppose that having Flint's approval is far more important than what I was asking.
( it's abrupt. she doesn't know if kitty will answer. she doesn't know how she feels about whether or not kitty will answer— )
Why couldn't you have just told me that?
( there's so much frustration. )
Come and stay with us. Thranduil is enormous and does magic and I have a guard dog and an assassin. Guilfoyle can be with you all of the time. I promise you, if that's what you need, that's what I'll do. I thought—
I was trying to fix it. I'm sorry. I didn't know what you wanted me to do. I can do this.
He has no good reason to. So— ( quickly, before kitty can get the wrong idea ) —if he does, if any of them do, I will be fucking disappointed in the betrayal of my trust and I don't know if you've noticed this about me, but I don't handle disappointment very well and I can shoot the fade out of my fucking hand.
Come and stay with us until all of this is resolved, however it's resolved. I promise you I will not let anything happen to you.
( gwenaëlle has massive daddy issues that she doesn't know how to articulate?
she struggles, too, for a moment. 'friend' doesn't feel right, exactly. )
It's—avuncular. I've learned a lot from him, we talk about books and poetry and while he teaches me how to handle a sword. We do it a few times a week, most weeks—we've been using mine and Thranduil's bedroom, but while you're staying with us I won't have him there.
( she still trusts him, but kitty doesn't. it isn't any skin off gwenaëlle's nose to walk down the hall instead of having him come to her. )
He's taught me about sailing, and piracy, and politics. And I can finally challenge him a bit with the sword, but if he did turn on me it'd be an anchor-shard to the balls. There's no such thing as a fair fight.
I do trust him. But if I'm wrong, no one is going to be angrier about it than me.
[ It's a strange little anxiety. Kitty worries, suddenly, about the consequences if Flint turns on Gwen. She's...not really used to worries like that. ]
( 'he kept me company when all I could do was sit in bed sewing' paints one picture, and 'because a wyvern had fucked up my leg while I was getting supplies for an illicit attempt to undo Tranquility' another entirely. she says neither, though she thinks about it. )
Probably. Yeah.
But that's—I wouldn't make you be around him just because I trust him. You don't. Guilfoyle can be with you any time I'm not. Coupe pauses when he's in a room.
( a sort of verbal shrug— ) Whatever I ask him to.
He's a retired assassin who was my lord's gentleman, he did...everything. I've been trying to find him more relaxing work than he used to do, frankly, but bodyguarding is well within his remit.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rathercommon) wrote2018-06-25 09:47 pm
CEASE AND - no it's the book.
I don't want you to think I would ever do anything to hurt you. I mean, knowingly, obviously sometimes people do things and don't realise, that keeps fucking happening, but as much as I'm not always good at it I am trying to be on your side. Even if I don't handle things terrible graciously when blindsided with them after several glasses of wine. Or ever, when I'm frustrated. It all feels so fucking unnecessary. We're all supposed to be trying to do the same thing and pull in the same direction. I thought I could convince Flint to see what I see in you, so that is what I tried to do. And to his credit he let me speak my piece, for all the particular good it did. He said he'd directed you to the Vashoth diplomat (I know this isn't related but don't you find it frustrating they have all these to purpose words and then it's all Qunari this and Qunari that and trying to differentiate just the species is so difficult if they aren't human or elven or I don't actually know if the Qun has any dwarves, I've never asked) and anyway I think you're better off with that avenue if you can reconsider whatever went awry with it.
It's stupid, you know. You were so angry with me when I left, you're probably not even reading this. He was so angry with me. I try and convince you both of what I see in you and I think all I ended up doing was reminding everyone how intolerable I am. And fucking Thranduil can
( can what, madam.
after a short time, the writing resumes. )
You said I try. Well, I do. I did. I will continue to, despite the obvious general consensus that I should stop. So there it is. If I could have only upset Thranduil and not you that would have been preferable as it's what I was trying to do.
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Is your only regret about all of it that I was upset, then? If I could have heard all of it without flinching, then everything would have been fine? If people had just said, 'Thank you for being a part of this, Gwenayel, we appreciate what you have done,' then you would have been completely content?
[ also, yes, kitty has no idea how to spell her name. ]
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( that she leads with that may not be further endearing. )
And no. Obviously. Unless you were thanking me because I'd actually managed to not be frustrated and rude and I'd made the points I wanted to make properly in a way that was useful and it'd actually done what I wanted it to do, then I'd personally still sort of rather you didn't do that if I'm being honest.
But I'm not going to stop trying because I didn't do it right once.
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[ That that is Kitty's response, likewise, may not be terribly endearing. ]
So what is it you want to do here? And please be specific. What specific outcome would satisfy you?
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Flint will not feel 'confident' in me until I give him a list of names.
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If you want to give anyone the list of names, I personally think you might want to apologise to her for whatever it is you said and deal with her directly. Diplomacy is going to be the key to all of it anyway, which I imagine is why he sent you to her in the first place.
There wasn't really anything else I could say to sway him. I still think you'll prove him wrong. I think he'll prove you wrong, too.
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Sorry - Do you think my goal here is to have Flint like me?
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I don't think your goal is for anyone to like you. I don't think you even like that I like you. Aren't we talking about freeing slaves and whatnot?
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Yes. It is. So if you understand that, I am not certain how you think that what I would do, if only I could have a bit of Flint's time, is to bend down and lick the dirt off his boots while simultaneously betraying the trust that was put in me. I will die before I give him a single name.
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I don't.
( she starts to write I don't know how I wasn't clear, and then scratches it out. tries again. )
What I meant to say was that since you and he aren't going to work together and since it was the other ambassador
( not byerly, she means )
who he'd directed you towards and who is going to be able to do more anyway, if you are going to give them to anyone, she seems like the sensible choice. Ishal. I wasn't saying you have to tell her anything, I was offering you my opinion of who your best option would be if you did want to tell someone.
When I said I think you'll prove each other wrong, I meant by being good at what you do.
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This is absurd. I am likely going to end up imprisoned or worse so that I give out this information, and you speak of people that I might want to work with. 'Thranduil was stirring you up,' you say - have you ever considered the possibility, for just a single second, that it is actually you who is blind to the danger? I am not a little girl who is frightened of monsters under her bed. I have been fighting and killing and hiding for longer than you have. I have watched my comrades betrayed and slaughtered, torn to pieces, and I have been sentenced to death myself. So just once, for just a single moment, please just consider the idea that perhaps I am not a stupid little idiot but someone who knows something.
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But as I was under the mistaken impression that occasionally what I have to say might be worth anything to you, I gave you my opinion. You engaged me in conversation so I gave it to you again. You aren't under any obligation to regard it, which I do not say to suggest that you need my permission when you've made it abundantly clear you never had any intention of considering that, but to make it clear I'm not saying it with the expectation that you owe me anything.
I've never thought you're an idiot. I don't have to think you're stupid to think you're wrong. I think Thranduil is wrong. I can think someone is mistaken and respect them. I am
( a delay. disappointed kitty can't?
what's the point in explaining herself to someone who has already decided what she is. )
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I did not want your advice. I wanted your help. I wanted you to help keep me safe. But I suppose that having Flint's approval is far more important than what I was asking.
crystal.
Why couldn't you have just told me that?
( there's so much frustration. )
Come and stay with us. Thranduil is enormous and does magic and I have a guard dog and an assassin. Guilfoyle can be with you all of the time. I promise you, if that's what you need, that's what I'll do. I thought—
I was trying to fix it. I'm sorry. I didn't know what you wanted me to do. I can do this.
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an unexpected turn of events, to say the least. Kitty stares at the crystal a moment, then hesitantly picks it up, like it might burn her. ]
If Flint comes calling, though. Or any of the other department heads. How can I be sure that you won't...
[ Y'know. Do the thing that people you trust always seem to do. ]
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Come and stay with us until all of this is resolved, however it's resolved. I promise you I will not let anything happen to you.
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[ She swallows. Funny thing, how frightened she sounds. Especially since, y'know, this is pretty much exactly what she was asking for. ]
If...I - I, erm... [ She struggles a moment, then says, quite suddenly - ]
What is your relationship with Flint, even?
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( gwenaëlle has massive daddy issues that she doesn't know how to articulate?
she struggles, too, for a moment. 'friend' doesn't feel right, exactly. )
It's—avuncular. I've learned a lot from him, we talk about books and poetry and while he teaches me how to handle a sword. We do it a few times a week, most weeks—we've been using mine and Thranduil's bedroom, but while you're staying with us I won't have him there.
( she still trusts him, but kitty doesn't. it isn't any skin off gwenaëlle's nose to walk down the hall instead of having him come to her. )
He's taught me about sailing, and piracy, and politics. And I can finally challenge him a bit with the sword, but if he did turn on me it'd be an anchor-shard to the balls. There's no such thing as a fair fight.
I do trust him. But if I'm wrong, no one is going to be angrier about it than me.
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[ It's a strange little anxiety. Kitty worries, suddenly, about the consequences if Flint turns on Gwen. She's...not really used to worries like that. ]
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Probably. Yeah.
But that's—I wouldn't make you be around him just because I trust him. You don't. Guilfoyle can be with you any time I'm not. Coupe pauses when he's in a room.
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I don't think I know Coupe well enough for that to mean anything to me.
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He's a retired assassin who was my lord's gentleman, he did...everything. I've been trying to find him more relaxing work than he used to do, frankly, but bodyguarding is well within his remit.
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