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[rathercommon]

crystal | letter | cease and desist notices slipped under her door | action

Comments

[saam]

Do you not like nicknames? I'll call you that if you want, but... calling someone an animal is the worst insult. As far as I'm concerned. [As far as the Qun is.]

[rathercommon]

[ She wrinkles her nose. ]

Kitty is a nickname. My real name's Kathleen. [ A beat. ] Don't call me that, though.

[saam]

[A slight laugh.]

Ashkaari is a term of respect. It means 'one who seeks'. The people who look in unexpected places, who see things where others don't.

[rathercommon]

Oh.

[ She finds herself flushing. Self-conscious, shy - ]

I do...read a lot, I guess.

[saam]

It's not about reading. It's about looking. You saw through Flint before I did, and you're half my age? That deserves some respect.

[rathercommon]

I've known him longer than you have. And I still didn't see it till it was too late and I'd already opened my big mouth.

[saam]

You did your best. Sometimes that's all we can do. I can't make any promises, but I'll do my best to make sure shit doesn't get completely fucked.

[rathercommon]

A promise wouldn't mean much. I wouldn't want you to make one.

[ But... ]

I appreciate it, though.

[saam]

Same to you, Ashkaari.

Lemme know if there's any shit I can do to help.

[rathercommon]

Yeah.

[ A pause. That might be the end of it, except that - ]

Just one thing.

[saam]

Huh? Sure.

[rathercommon]

That - All of this wasn't your fault. I made the decisions I made. So don't blame yourself.

[saam]

[A quiet sound, it could be a laugh or a sigh.] You're too much.

I believe in responsibility. I'm at least partially responsible, and even if I wasn't, I'm a division head. It's my responsibility to look out for people with less range than me. Less... room. What- what you said, less power.

[rathercommon]

[ A quiet (not unkind) scoff. ]

Don't think I've ever heard anyone in power trying to take responsibility before.

CEASE AND - no it's the book.

[elegiaque]

( it hasn't escaped gwenaëlle that there are times that they communicate better when they're forced to do it slowly, and so: she does not seek out kitty, nor terrorise a runner, but writes to her in the crystal-activated book so she can see it when she likes. respond when and how she likes. )

I don't want you to think I would ever do anything to hurt you. I mean, knowingly, obviously sometimes people do things and don't realise, that keeps fucking happening, but as much as I'm not always good at it I am trying to be on your side. Even if I don't handle things terrible graciously when blindsided with them after several glasses of wine. Or ever, when I'm frustrated. It all feels so fucking unnecessary. We're all supposed to be trying to do the same thing and pull in the same direction. I thought I could convince Flint to see what I see in you, so that is what I tried to do. And to his credit he let me speak my piece, for all the particular good it did. He said he'd directed you to the Vashoth diplomat (I know this isn't related but don't you find it frustrating they have all these to purpose words and then it's all Qunari this and Qunari that and trying to differentiate just the species is so difficult if they aren't human or elven or I don't actually know if the Qun has any dwarves, I've never asked) and anyway I think you're better off with that avenue if you can reconsider whatever went awry with it.

It's stupid, you know. You were so angry with me when I left, you're probably not even reading this. He was so angry with me. I try and convince you both of what I see in you and I think all I ended up doing was reminding everyone how intolerable I am. And fucking Thranduil can

( can what, madam.

after a short time, the writing resumes. )

You said I try. Well, I do. I did. I will continue to, despite the obvious general consensus that I should stop. So there it is. If I could have only upset Thranduil and not you that would have been preferable as it's what I was trying to do.

[rathercommon]

[ Unfortunately, the ability to read slowly and write slowly and think things over does not - in this case - temper her temper. Kitty's handwriting is always very neat, but when she writes, there's a slight jaggedness to it that speaks to a tensed forearm, stiff fingers. ]

Is your only regret about all of it that I was upset, then? If I could have heard all of it without flinching, then everything would have been fine? If people had just said, 'Thank you for being a part of this, Gwenayel, we appreciate what you have done,' then you would have been completely content?

[ also, yes, kitty has no idea how to spell her name. ]

[elegiaque]

G w e n a ë l l e.

( that she leads with that may not be further endearing. )

And no. Obviously. Unless you were thanking me because I'd actually managed to not be frustrated and rude and I'd made the points I wanted to make properly in a way that was useful and it'd actually done what I wanted it to do, then I'd personally still sort of rather you didn't do that if I'm being honest.

But I'm not going to stop trying because I didn't do it right once.

[rathercommon]

Whatever.

[ That that is Kitty's response, likewise, may not be terribly endearing. ]

So what is it you want to do here? And please be specific. What specific outcome would satisfy you?

[elegiaque]

I specifically wanted to make you feel safe and make Flint confident in you. I felt that Thranduil was irresponsibly playing on your fears and taking advantage of you and I wanted, specifically, to stop him from doing that.

[rathercommon]

[ That gives her a slight moment of pause, but - she pushes past it. ]

Flint will not feel 'confident' in me until I give him a list of names.

[elegiaque]

He doesn't want to deal with you any more at all. He said he trusted you when he sent Ishal Fazon ( so close ) and you threw it in her teeth and his and that if you're going respond to every attempt to work with you by trying to nut it, he's got literally anything else better to do.

If you want to give anyone the list of names, I personally think you might want to apologise to her for whatever it is you said and deal with her directly. Diplomacy is going to be the key to all of it anyway, which I imagine is why he sent you to her in the first place.

There wasn't really anything else I could say to sway him. I still think you'll prove him wrong. I think he'll prove you wrong, too.

[rathercommon]

[ ???? ]

Sorry - Do you think my goal here is to have Flint like me?

[elegiaque]

( there's a confused delay. )

I don't think your goal is for anyone to like you. I don't think you even like that I like you. Aren't we talking about freeing slaves and whatnot?

[rathercommon]

[ 'and whatnot.' Kitty's hand gets a little more jagged. ]

Yes. It is. So if you understand that, I am not certain how you think that what I would do, if only I could have a bit of Flint's time, is to bend down and lick the dirt off his boots while simultaneously betraying the trust that was put in me. I will die before I give him a single name.

[elegiaque]

( there's another delay. gwenaëlle is so bewildered she doesn't know how to respond. finally, )



I don't.

( she starts to write I don't know how I wasn't clear, and then scratches it out. tries again. )

What I meant to say was that since you and he aren't going to work together and since it was the other ambassador

( not byerly, she means )

who he'd directed you towards and who is going to be able to do more anyway, if you are going to give them to anyone, she seems like the sensible choice. Ishal. I wasn't saying you have to tell her anything, I was offering you my opinion of who your best option would be if you did want to tell someone.

When I said I think you'll prove each other wrong, I meant by being good at what you do.